What is a Good Life? #108
The Creative Power Of Attention with Ruth McCarthy
On the 108th episode of What is a Good Life? podcast, I am delighted to introduce our guest, Ruth McCarthy. Reading Nancy Kline’s book Time to Think, meeting her in 2008, and experiencing for the first time the power of uninterrupted attention set Ruth on a completely new path in life in her early 50s. Challenging our limiting assumptions takes practice, and listening with the promise of no interruption can transform our relationships and results. Inspired by this, Ruth founded her consultancy, Think It Through, and as Global Faculty at Time to Think, she works with individuals and organisations across corporate, public, and non-profit sectors. Her mission? To listen to inspire deep trust, communication, and the courage to think for yourself in an increasingly polarised and volatile world.
In this wonderful conversation, Ruth shares her journey of self-discovery and the liberation that comes from embracing one's true self and observing what we are becoming. She emphasises the importance of attention and self-awareness in navigating life's complexities. We delve into the significance of ease in conversations, the impact of suppressed feelings on our well-being, and the transformative powers of thinking for oneself, curiosity, and listening.
This episode invites you to slow down, challenge your assumptions, and truly pay attention—to yourself and those around you. By doing so, you might just open the door to a life of possibility that continually surprises you.
The weekly clip from the podcast (2 mins), my weekly reflection (3 mins), the full podcast (65 mins), and the weekly questions all follow below.
1. Weekly Clip from the Podcast
2. My weekly reflection
In this interview and the clip above, Ruth shares that recognising the significance of truly listening—giving our full attention to the speaker without interruption—has been one of the most important discoveries of her life. She describes it as only behind experiencing childbirth and death in its significance.
To anyone who might think that sounds like hyperbole, I invite you to truly listen, pay attention, and be fully present with another human being.
When I heard Ruth’s observation, it moistened my eyes, as it instantly made me reflect on the quality and depth of my own relationships—both before and after making this discovery in my own life.
It made me reconsider how I engage with life as a whole in light of this realisation.
When you truly pay attention to others, listen deeply, stay curious, and stop interrupting, the feel and quality of your relationships change drastically. Conversations cease to be a Punch-and-Judy-style back-and-forth. Instead, they slow down, allowing us to settle, deepen, and open up—not through deliberate questioning or probing, but in the way a flower naturally blossoms.
We have turned relationships, with our various ideas of influence, advice, and tactics, into something to be controlled, cultivated, or manufactured.
Yet all these efforts do is create dis-ease, separation, and, ultimately, a winner and a loser.
They also overshadow what I believe to be one of the greatest discoveries in my life: beyond the basic elements of survival, attention—which inherently carries love—is by far the most valuable thing we can offer another person.
When you truly give your attention to someone, you see how they respond, how they feel in your presence, and how you feel in return. It becomes undeniable. When I am with my wife, a friend, or even conducting interviews, and this kind of presence is happening, time ceases to function as it normally does, effort fades, and it becomes the most open invitation to go with the flow of life.
When this realisation sinks in, it can profoundly shift what we prioritise in life. It removes the pressure of chasing societal ideas of success or feeling the need to give others anything beyond our full attention. It also provides a deeply felt, embodied experience of statements we often pay lip service to—such as ‘relationships are the most important things in our lives.’
Modern life often pressures us to mark milestones with elaborate gifts and celebrations. There is so much emphasis on giving our children “everything.” Yet I often hear people wondering why someone isn’t happier or more grateful for what they have been given.
I suspect we have been lulled to sleep by our culture, disconnected from the true value of our attention.
Attention is the foundation of all meaningful relationships—akin to water for plants—while society and advertising persuade us to prioritise getting a fancier pot instead. Then we wonder why the plant with less water struggles, despite being in a fantastic new pot.
In this interview, Ruth highlights the idea that attention is an act of creation, and I feel this to be fundamentally true. The more attention we give to our relationships and the world around us, the more abundant life becomes.
The more we truly see, the more life surprises us. The more it already holds—yet we simply haven’t been looking, or we’ve been looking through unhelpful lenses.
I suspect that our ideas of scarcity in life are directly linked to a lack of attention—both to life itself and to where we are directing our focus.
Just as human beings and relationships are ever-evolving processes, they will continue to surprise us—if only we pay attention.
So I ask you: What in your life is crying out for more attention, while you attempt to remedy it through other means?
3. Full Episode - The Creative Power Of Attention with Ruth McCarthy - What is a Good Life? #108
4. This week’s Questions
What or who in your life do you simply need to pay more attention?
What is the most influential discovery or realisation you have made in your own life?
About Me
I am a coach, podcast host, and writer, based in Berlin, via Dublin, Ireland. I started this project in 2021, for which I’ve now interviewed over 250 people. I’m not looking to prescribe universal answers, more that the guests’ lines of inquiry, musings, experiences, and curiosities spark your own inquiry into what the question means to you. I am also trying to share more genuine expressions of the human experience and more meaningful conversations.
If you’re interested in exploring your own self-inquiry through one-on-one coaching, joining my 5-week Silent Conversations group courses, or fostering greater trust, communication, and connection within your leadership teams, or simply reaching out, feel free to contact me via email or LinkedIn.