What is a Good Life? #103
Expressing The Whole Of You with Nathan Kinch
On the 103rd episode of What is a Good Life? podcast, I am delighted to introduce our guest, Nathan (Nate) Kinch. Nate is a sociotechnology ethicist, organisational designer, and trust researcher. His work centres around the question: how might we best design trustworthy organisations, technologies, and systems that support a healthy and dignified life for all, within planetary boundaries? To do this, he draws on many branches of philosophy, systems science, cognitive sciences, and related disciplines.
He is a Fellow of The Royal Society of the Arts, co-lead of the Responsible AI Network (RAIN), and Lead of Ethics in Action. He is also the Ethicist in Residence at CoLabs and guest lectures at several universities. Previously, Nate was an angel and impact investor and the founding CEO of a venture capital-backed startup. In everyday life, he’s an urban rewilder, community convener, and ‘inner developer,’ bringing regenerative thinking, practice, and culture to his corner of Melbourne.
In this wonderful conversation, Nathan shares his exploration of expressing and feeling into the whole of himself. We discuss realisations he made through his psycho-physical inquiries, from suppressing emotions to crumbling worldviews, to the relief and healing of crying, and expressing and experiencing more joy and gratitude in life.
For anyone on their own path of self-inquiry, this conversation contains many universal themes that I sense we all experience, which may make you feel more at home on your own path. While Nate’s beautiful anecdotes, transparency, and reflections make this as grounded and heartfelt as it is insightful.
The weekly clip from the podcast (5 mins), my weekly reflection (3 mins), the full podcast (60 mins), and the weekly questions all follow below.
1. Weekly Clip from the Podcast
2. My weekly reflection
One of the more jarring phrases for me to hear from someone on their path of self-inquiry is when they refer to part of themselves as “the old me”.
Of course, it jars me because it’s an expression I used a lot myself during a phase that I sense was more about an aspiration towards purity than sincerity.
I also see it repeating a behaviour that got me somewhat tangled up in the first place: denying or repressing a part of myself in service of projecting something that I wasn’t.
In this conversation with Nate, a really lovely image arose for me—of myself or any other individual. It’s not that these “parts” of us go away; rather, so much more of us is allowed to be seen.
We are not necessarily disavowing or removing a part of ourselves we struggle with; instead, so much more of us is given expression and held in our awareness. The more dominant aspects of us now sit around a large table, rather than solely demanding the stage.
It may feel like it's no longer us, but in reality, it remains—perhaps expressed in healthier ways or simply less noticeable, as the other parts of us rise up, bringing more balance and allowing what was once dominant to sit alongside them with greater harmony.
At another point, I asked Nate the question—or perhaps asked myself out loud—if we are ever going to feel whole, how could we possibly not be whole right now? Is there a part of us floating out in the ether that we are waiting to claim? Are there parts of us which, if they developed just enough, would allow us to feel whole at some future date?
The promise of future wholeness often reflects the suffering caused by the perfectionism we once applied to our 'old selves,' or by the self-help industry's focus on 'fixing' us. If the starting point is that you are flawed, I sense we may perpetually be stuck in a place of lack. I really see this is more a case of releasing and revealing than it is adding.
As my own journey has oriented more towards sincerity rather than a performative sense of purity, I’ve noticed a softening in my life—a calming of internal fights and, consequently, external fighting. A dance with life ensues, rather than it being something to battle with or conquer.
While my behaviour has exhibited far more compassion for myself and others over the years, it’s not as though my thoughts are free of judgement or desire, that anger doesn’t sometimes still reign, or that distractions don’t overthrow peace and silence. No, this absolutely still happens.
However, there is a great freedom in sharing that too. A great freedom and acceptance in not suggesting that these are no longer part of me. I find that if I meet the moment and acknowledge all of what feels present in me, I regularly feel whole and enough my life.
How can we possibly feel whole if we are rejecting or suppressing what is present in us right now? I find that as long as I am willing to be in contact with whatever is here, in this very moment, the feeling we assume will finally arrive with perfection, purity, or virtuosity can be part of our experience right now—even while continuing to feel the various pulls and tensions of being human.
From this place, many of the outcomes and changes we chase feel far less important. Even if or when they invariably become part of our evolution anyhow, a trust is handed over to our natural unfolding as we feel enough in the present, as we feel whole.
What else is there to be beyond enough? Anything less would be too little, and any more would be too much, taking us out of a harmony and balance with life.
Is there a part of you that when you refer to it as the “old you”, doesn’t quite ring true to you?
3. Full Episode - Expressing The Whole Of You with Nathan Kinch - What is a Good Life? #103
4. This week’s Questions
How could we not be whole right now?
Is there an aspect of you that is still present that you are pushing away?
About Me
I am a coach, podcast host, and writer, based in Berlin, via Dublin, Ireland. I started this project in 2021, for which I’ve now interviewed over 250 people. I’m not looking to prescribe universal answers, more that the guests’ lines of inquiry, musings, experiences, and curiosities spark your own inquiry into what the question means to you. I am also trying to share more genuine expressions of the human experience and more meaningful conversations.
If you’re interested in exploring your own self-inquiry through one-on-one coaching, joining my Silent Conversations groups courses, or fostering greater trust, communication, and connection within your leadership teams, or simply reaching out, feel free to contact me via email or LinkedIn.