Discover more from What is a Good Life?
On the 101st episode of What is a Good Life? podcast, I am delighted to introduce our guest, Patrick Boland. Patrick is a leadership consultant, executive coach, psychotherapist, writer, and trainer across several industries and sectors around the world. Patrick's 2024 book, 'The Contemplative Leader', features interviews with world-class leaders on the topics of presence, connection, being non-attached and leading when we're not in control. In 2021, he co-authored a book of reflections, 'Every Thing Is Sacred', with the contemplative teacher Richard Rohr. Patrick founded Conexus in 2013, an organisation that coaches leaders and their teams using a combination of neuroscience; depth psychology; and embodied, experiential learning.
In this insightful conversation, Patrick shares his experiences of moving towards a life that is beautifully full rather than persistently busy. We explore the shifting priorities and seasons of life, the significance of resting into the moment, questioning societal scripts as well as the interconnections we've observed between slowing down, being, and self-compassion.
This whole conversation is a wonderful invitation to pause, reflect, step into your own life, notice the world around you, let go of control, and embrace whatever season your life is in. I found Patrick to be a rarely attuned individual so I am sure you will take a lot from this episode.
The weekly clip from the podcast (6 mins), my weekly reflection (4 mins), the full podcast (64 mins), and the weekly questions all follow below.
1. Weekly Clip from the Podcast
2. My weekly reflection
There was something that really came together for me in this interview with Patrick around the theme of being, that although I have probably pointed to it before or said it out loud, it felt even clearer to me than before.
I am not suggesting I am going to reduce being into a formula, more to note what I feel has contributed to feeling a very obvious sense of being in my life, and also things that have struck me from the last four guests that have given me more clarity on this experience.
Firstly, with my interview with Nora Bateson (Episode #98), she spoke of the difference between being in stance and taking a stand. There is definitely something in how we approach life, how we hold our opinions, how responsive we are to life, that can either stifle or reveal an ease or movement with life.
As she pointed out when I asked her for a response to the question of what is a good life, she suggested that it’s important not to look away from the horror, while also not missing the beautiful spring that is occurring. That this life is moving, and experiencing it all and letting it go with this movement, is very significant.
For a greater sense of being in this world, neither resisting nor denying what is, nor clinging on to what is, is essential.
In the 99th episode with Darcia Narvaez, she spoke of the natural intelligence of the body. How breast milk’s composition changes throughout the day to meet the baby's needs. There is something that hit me again when listening to this, that there is a embedded genius in the body that we couldn’t fathom or muster up by trying to do it.
During my wife’s pregnancy, I often marvelled at what was occurring inside of her. Like how she was never “trying” or “efforting” to grow a baby; she wasn’t attempting to grow its leg one particular day – it was just happening.
When I observe the world around me—a seed growing into a huge tree, for instance—the more I frequently notice a sense of wonder. The easier I find it to trust and fall into the organic flow and growth of this life. No forcing is required, only my attention.
At no point have I trained my child to walk, crawl, laugh, cry, observe, see; she is naturally growing in front of me. I don’t feel this capacity switches off as we grow older. I believe I, at times, have impeded it with the specific ideas I have of what I want to grow into and what I want to disavow or reject of myself, all of which interferes with my sense of ease in simply existing.
Another thing Darcia pointed to in this interview was the significance of play in our lives. The role of song and dance too. Over the last number of years, as my efforts to be something other than who I am have receded, it has been striking how much more I have played, sung, and danced, particularly at home with my wife, well before our baby arrived.
I have continuously noted what has felt paradoxical to me – that in my mid to late 30s and early 40s I feel I have genuinely played far more than I did in my teens, 20s, or early 30s.
Now that I write that, I am thinking how I never attempted to do this. It’s not like some of my attempts to be more mindful and disciplined with meditation when I first approached it that way. An inclination to play just arose. It was never part of a process or a checklist of things to do to experience more presence.
From the 100th episode with Cormac Russell, we noted the limitations of self-help if it remains solely focused on the self, if that attention does not expand outward into the world. He paraphrased Satish Kumar in saying to believe we are separate is to not pay attention.
I have found that the more I pay attention to the outside world, I see patterns that make me more comfortable with my human experience: the growing, falling, and decaying of leaves; flocks of birds inviting me in to notice and be; the moon and the sun giving me a perspective of my insignificance, while the love of my family and friends simultaneously shows me my significance in other ways.
When I continue just to watch life and not get too obsessed with unravelling a perceived flaw of mine, I see I am clearly part of all of this, and there is a natural growth that unfolds that is more intelligent than my clinging, aversions, desires, and plans, that is fed by me simply paying attention and letting go.
When speaking with Patrick on this week’s episode, it was so clear that slowing down in both our lives deepened our sense of being and self-compassion. Where working continuously is no longer prioritised, where weekends are not stacked with back-to-back engagements, and where space exists to observe this life or for the emergent to unfold.
Consequently, we have time and space to notice all of this, to hold and let go of all of this. To laugh, cry, to express from whatever is unfolding within and without. It is not to drop out from the world but more to really live within it. Work still occurs, children are still raised, things are still happening, but as Patrick points out in the conversation, at this point life feels beautifully full rather than straining and busy.
If you look at what I have distilled here, it becomes clear that many of these realisations challenge the values and pace of our present culture. In a world that often glorifies productivity, having fixed answers, striving, and constant motion, this way of being calls for something different—an intentional unplugging, a slowing down, an experimenting and playing, and a reorienting toward life’s natural rhythms. It is not about withdrawing from the world but more fully engaging with it, noticing what unfolds when we let go of the urge to force, control, or fix.
3. Full Episode - Embracing The Season Of Life with Patrick Boland - What is a Good Life? #101
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4. This week’s Questions
How would you describe the present season of your life, and how might you be more responsive in embracing it?
What part of the societal script that you are following is hindering you the most?
About Me
I am a coach, podcast host, and writer, based in Berlin, via Dublin, Ireland. I started this project in 2021, for which I’ve now interviewed over 200 people. I’m not looking to prescribe universal answers, more that the guests’ lines of inquiry, musings, experiences, and curiosities spark your own inquiry into what the question means to you. I am also trying to share more genuine expressions of the human experience and more meaningful conversations.
If you would like to work with me to explore your own lines of self-inquiry, take part in my weekly free silent conversations, discuss experiences I create to stimulate greater trust, communication, and connection, amongst your teams, or you simply want to get in touch, here’s my email and LinkedIn.
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Over the last 3 year's I've interviewed over 250 people around the question of, "what is a good life?" I've created a newsletter and podcast to share insights, anecdotes, and experiences, to help you explore this question for yourself.